UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
