but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
