i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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