Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
