By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
