Where did you get a picture of my penis
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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