the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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