if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
