im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
