this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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