It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
