dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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