Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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