slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
