dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
