Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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