She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
