he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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