That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
