I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I believe in your delicious
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
