Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
