yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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