a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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