i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
