He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
