This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
