Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
