So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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