I'm going to jail i love you
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
