I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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