I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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