$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
