Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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