yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
