i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
19 Totally Clueless People That’ll Make You Say ‘Bless Your Heart’
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
30 Times Ryan Reynolds’ Replies Were The Funniest Thing On Twitter
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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