oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He better not be in your backpack
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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