Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
