i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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