i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
NoShamevember. You game?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
