Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
