just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i would punch a child for taco bell
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Randomize
