i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
