You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I can't put those talents on a resume
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
