Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
