This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
