Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the liver wants what the liver wants
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My penis needs a shock collar
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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