Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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