he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Randomize
