Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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