I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
