yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
