Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
