Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
