I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
