I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
